I Want Candy
by Nobodyman9
Summary: Beast Boy gets a new rap album which begins to disrupt the Titans Tower and the Titans. Parody of ATHF. A long one shot. Little bit of OOC. Rated PG-13 to be safe. Flames welcome.


Authors Intro: Hey folks, this here be my third fanfic, and, yet again, it's another parody. This Teen Titans fic is based off of the Adult Swim cartoon Aqua Teen Hunger Force. It's one of my favorite shows and at the same time I feel that it is a monstrously overlooked show. Well this is a parody of one of their better episodes, so to those of you who have never seen it or heard of it, hopefully you'll enjoy it. Well enough of my babbling, on with the story.  
  
Disclaimer: Don't own Teen Titan's or Aqua Teen Hunger Force.

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It was a pretty normal day in Jump City. The sun was shining, there was no sign of villainy, and, if you could ignore the fact that Beast Boy had been listening to his new rap album all day, with the volume near maximum, things were completely tranquil at the Titan's Tower.  
  
Inside Beast Boy's room hung a poster of a young eleven-year old boy of African ethnicity, with lollipops, candy canes, and other assorted candies in his hands. It was apparent the boy was a rapper, based on his attire. Below the miniature rapper the words "I Want Candy" were written, while above him was the rappers name "MC Pee Pants." Also in the room was Beast Boy, dancing and grooving to the song "I Want Candy" of the aforementioned rappers album, of course it was the only song on the album. As Beast Boy listened to the album on his jam-box, the music could be heard throughout the whole tower, chanting the rappers inane singing.  
  
I want candy!  
Bubble gum and taffy.  
Skip to the sweet shop with my sweetheart Sandy.  
Got my pennies saved so I'm her sugar daddy.  
I'm her Hume Cronyn,  
She's my Jessica Tandy.  
I want candy!  
  
Meanwhile, in the Titan's living room Raven was attempting to do her daily meditation, though finding it difficult due to the interference of Beast Boy's music. "Azarath Metrion Zinthos, Azarath Metrion Zinthos" Raven chanted as she meditated, with her eyes closed, and with Beast Boys music in the background. Raven then opened her eyes, giving in to Beast Boy's music and made an attempt to stop it. "Beast Boy, turn that down!" she yelled to her teammate to regain her concentration. The music then went down significantly, Beast Boy having heard Raven's plea. Raven, satisfied, continued her meditation. "Azarath Metrion Zinthos, Azarath Metrion Zinthos", but as soon as she had restarted her meditation, Beast Boy had once again raised the volume of his music to an ear-piercing level, once again breaking Raven's concentration. "Damnit!" she yelled, greatly annoyed at Beast Boy's insolence. "That's it I'm going to..." the Titan yelled as she headed for Beast Boy's room before being stopped by Robin.  
  
"Raven, cool out" Robin said trying to calm his fellow Titan.  
  
"Look, I am out there trying to meditate, and if that little green dork doesn't turn down that music, I'm going to..." Raven said before once again being cut off by Robin.  
  
"Look, look, just relax okay, I've got this covered" Robin said trying to reassure Raven. Robin then entered Beast Boy's room in an attempt to negotiate Beast Boy into turning his music down. Robin reached over to Beast Boy's jam-box, turning it off so he could talk to him. "Beast Boy, you know there're other people that live in this house," he said to Beast Boy.  
  
"Well, yeah, I know, that's why I got it cranked up so loud. You know so everyone can get down with the Pee Pants." Beast Boy explained to Robin.  
  
"You've been dancing to this crap for three days straight. We all know you like candy, you've eaten every piece that's in the house!" Robin yelled at his him.  
  
"I did? Well somebody better go get some more then, 'cause I'm startin' to fade" Beast Boy said.  
  
"Look, look, Beast Boy there are other kinds of music in the world. Here how'd you like to get down with some real gangsters, from the 18th century?" Robin said as he handed some CDs to Beast Boy with, composers Beethoven, Bach and Vivaldi on them.  
  
"Bach? Beethoven?" Beast Boy queried, pronouncing the composers names wrong. "Are they down with the Pee Pants?"  
  
"Well they wore pantaloons back then, Beast Boy" Robin informed his friend.  
  
"Shoot boy, you'd get shot wearin' that in my hood" Beast Boy said.  
  
"Well I think these guys are pretty darn dope, if you know what I mean" Robin assured him.  
  
"Well then give it to me, you'd better be right though," Beast Boy said as Robin placed one of the CDs into Beast Boy's jam-box. Classical music then began to play from the jam-box at a moderate volume level.  
  
"Yeah, now listen to that beat, now that's a kickin' glissando" Robin said enjoying the music, while Beast Boy only stared with his eyes wide open.  
  
"Yeah it is kickin' isn't it, it's good, you, you can leave the room now" Beast Boy said while Robin had his eyes shut, listening to the music, and not moving. "I mean now."  
  
"Oh, oh yeah sure, enjoy" Robin said as he exited Beast Boy's room. "Problem solved" Robin said to Raven who was still waiting outside. Just then the classical music ceased to play and was replaced once again by "I Want Candy." "Damnit" Robin said annoyed.  
  
"Here, I'll solve it, right out of his head, make a hole" Raven said growing angrier.  
  
"Oh no you won't, now look I've got another idea" Robin said trying to calm down Raven. He then reentered Beast Boy's room in another attempt to stop Beast Boy's music. Robin then placed a set of headphones on Beast Boy's head. "This way you can still listen to MC Pee Pants, and Raven won't want to beat you mercilessly, and end your life" Robin explained.  
  
"Oh yeah, I feel ya, that's a good idea, I don't want to get beat up now, I'm pretty young" Beast Boy said, excepting Robins new plan.  
  
Robin then left Beast Boy's room to leave him to it, but no sooner had he walked out the door, that he once again heard the music that had plagued the Titan's Tower. "Aw, what the hell?" Robin said very annoyed at this point. Robin walked back in and saw Beast Boy still had the headphones on and singing to the music, but the volume was on so unbearably loud that others could hear it. Robin then yelled at Beast Boy trying to get his attention, but Beast Boy couldn't here a word he was saying. Robin, realizing Beast Boy couldn't hear, reached over to turn off the jam-box and then removed the headphones from Beast Boy. "You are going to damage your ears for life and..." Robin ranted at Beast Boy, but his efforts were fruitless, as Beast Boy still couldn't hear anything Robin was saying, because all he could hear was a ringing in his head due to the loud music. "...that's not gonna be a pretty sight!" Robin finished.  
  
"...What?" Beast Boy finally said after a long pause.  
  
"Just get a new album, or I'm gonna send Raven in here, and then she can knock some sense into that thick skull of..." Robin yelled, infuriated at Beast Boy.  
  
"All right, all right fine you don't need to yell at me!" Beast Boy said trying to stop Robin's yelling. "...But do repeat what you just said though, cuz something's goin' on in my head here" Beast Boy said clearly not hearing anything Robin said from the ringing in his ears.  
  
"I like beatings, I'll beat ya all day" Raven yelled from outside Beast Boy's door still intent on beating him senseless.  
  
"I'll just, uh, take the window," Beast Boy said to Robin upon hearing Raven.  
  
"Yeah, I think you better" Robin agreed.  
  
"Come on Robin, let me in there so I can hit him!" Raven said still yelling from outside.

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Beast Boy having left to get a new album, Robin and Raven proceeded through the Titan's Tower to see what the others were up to. As they walked along one of the many corridors, they were stopped by a familiar voice. "Yo, hey guys, get over here!" yelled Cyborg from behind them.  
  
"Oh, hey Cy, what's up buddy" Robin greeted his friend.  
  
"Yeah, hey, which one of you guys has been playing "I Like Candy", for the frickin' week!" Cyborg asked angrily.  
  
"It was, uh, some punk kids across the lake" Robin said in a lame attempt to make an excuse.  
  
"Beast Boy did it" Raven replied quickly after Robin.  
  
"You know what at this point it doesn't matter, cuz it keeps running inside my head and it won't leave unless I blow it out, with a bullet!" Cyborg yelled infuriated.  
  
"Hey uh what are ya eatin' there Cy?" Robin queried as Cyborg popped what appeared to be some sort of candy in his mouth.  
  
"Jawbreakers, for some reason I can't get enough of 'em" Cyborg answered.  
  
"Is that why your teeth are blue?" Robin asked.  
  
"Uh, no" Cyborg lied.  
  
"Oh, uh, so uh, why are your..." Robin asked, before being cut off.  
  
"Shut up" Cyborg said, stopping Robin from completing his sentence. There was then a pause between the three till Cyborg broke the silence. "I like candy, bubble gum and ta...Damnit!" Cyborg said reciting the lyrics of Beast Boy's music, and then realizing he was singing them.  
  
Robin and Raven then proceeded to look for Starfire and found her in the kitchen. Inside the kitchen she was shoving as much sugar filled food as she could in her mouth.  
  
"Aw Star, not you too" Robin said.  
  
"Beast Boy's addictive music, makes me desire to intake unhealthy, sugar- filled, snack foods" Starfire explained to her friends.  
  
"Uh, whatever" Raven said finding it a bit strange, of course everything going on today had been a bit strange.  
  
Suddenly the Titans doorbell rang. "Uh, what now" Robin said a bit annoyed. He then walked to the Titan's door and in front of him stood Beast Boy dressed like Elvis Presley and holding a Halloween bucket.  
  
"Trick or treat, smell my feet, give me something good to eat" Beast Boy chanted the familiar Halloween rhyme.  
  
"Ah boy, you look great. Hey guys come in here and look at this, this is adorable" Robin yelled to his teammates. "And who are you supposed to be?" Robin asked, humoring his naïve friend.  
  
"I'm Elvis, I ain't nothin' but a hound dog" Beast Boy replied.  
  
"Aw that's cute, so tell me are you the fat Elvis or the skinny El..." Robin asked, somewhat teasing his teammate.  
  
"Give me the candy, you know who I am!" Beast Boy yelled cutting off Robin.  
  
"Aw all right, lets see what we got for ya" Robin said as he walked away to retrieve some "goodies" for Beast Boy. "All right here's some soy sauce, ooh some Plumbers Putty, and a burning candle, that oughta do you fine" Robin said as he threw the aforementioned items into Beast Boy's candy bucket.  
  
"All right, now uh, is any of this sweet?" Beast Boy wondered.  
  
"It'll be sweet when you go up in flames ba-ruther, have fun now" Robin said as he walked away.  
  
"Beast Boy?" Cyborg said as he and Starfire, still stuffing candy into her mouth, walked over to their friend.  
  
"Oh hey guys, trick or treat smell my fee..." Beast Boy said before being stopped by Cyborg.  
  
"Yeah, yeah, Beast Boy what are you doing trick-or-treating? Its frickin' May" Cyborg asked.  
  
"Look, I need candy. Now are you gonna give me some or are you gonna lose some teeth?" Beast Boy explained.  
  
"Yeah I know, me and Star only heard your little song about a thousand times! Now we need candy, and we don't know why" Cyborg said as he popped another jawbreaker in his mouth.  
  
"Shoot, I don't listen to that kiddy crap anymore, I'm kickin' the adult jams now, see check it" Beast Boy assured his friends as he handed an album to Cyborg. On the album appeared MC Pee Pants with his name written across the top, and the words "I Need Candy" written across the bottom. "MC Pee Pants doesn't just want candy now, that's childish, he _needs _it, and when you need something that's a responsibility...that only an adult...of my maturity...BUNNIES!" Beast Boy explained, and then noticed a cart full of chocolate bunnies behind Cyborg and Starfire.  
  
"Yeah I got a deal at the dumpster...I mean warehouse" Cyborg said as he put another jawbreaker into his mouth. "Yeah you might wanna wash the juice off 'em."

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It was now very late at night. Beast Boy, Cyborg and Starfire were right outside the Titan's Tower, while Robin and Raven watched from a window inside, Beast Boy's "I Need Candy" music could be heard in the background.  
  
"You know those three have been hanging out quite a bit lately" Raven said, referring to Beast Boy, Cyborg and Star.  
  
"What? You want them to stop?" Robin asked as he headed for the door. "RAPE! RAPE! OH RAPE!" Robin yelled from the doorway.  
  
"No, no it's, it's fine, but don't you think it's a little bit weird that they started washing the car at midnight, and they're still doing it?" Raven said as we now saw that the three were washing the T-car outside.  
  
"Look, people do things, it's a fact" Robin explained.  
  
Meanwhile outside the Titan trio continued to wash the car and sing to Beast Boy's music. "To use a giant drill, to bore straight into hell" Beast Boy sang.  
  
"Releasing ancient demons from their sleep-forever spell, so they can walk upon the earth and get resituated" Cyborg and Starfire sang.  
  
"And hawk the diet pills MC Pee Pants has created" Beast Boy sang finishing the verse.  
  
"Yeah that beat is badass, clean me off another one of them bunnies, I'm gonna eat it" Cyborg said to Beast Boy.  
  
"Here ya go" Beast Boy said as he gave a bunny to Cyborg.  
  
Inside Raven was listening and her eyes were wide with shock from hearing the previous lyrics. "Robin did you hear this lyric? About drilling a hole straight to hell and unleashing demons to run a global diet pill pyramid scheme?" Raven asked.  
  
"Eh, I don' know, all that rap is, is clicks and whistles" Robin said not really taking what Raven said seriously.  
  
"Yo, yo, yo, you think we should take another pass at this, cuz I'm still seeing paint here, and it's starting to mock me" Cyborg asked Beast Boy, as he held up the sponge he was using to clean the car, which was now covered in white paint.  
  
"Shh, Cy, this is my favorite part right here" Beast Boy said and then continued dancing, as the lyrics played.  
  
Mess up the mix, mix up the mess.  
Come on down yo, here's the address.  
It's 612 Wharf Avenue,  
612 Wharf Avenue.  
  
"612 Wharf Avenue, I know where that is, that's the, uh, abandoned warehouse next to Melon Shakers......the, the gentlemen's club" Cyborg said and then retracted realizing what he had implied.  
  
"Well maybe we should go down there Cy" Beast Boy suggested.  
  
"We may as well, I'm too jacked up on candy to go to sleep" Cyborg said.  
  
"Oooh, I wish to go too," Starfire said anxiously.  
  
"All right, cool, now grab me some clean bunnies for the road," Cyborg requested to Beast Boy.  
  
"Marshmallow or chocolate" Beast Boy asked.  
  
"Are you kidding? Both. I got a loogie that could fill a lake here" Cyborg replied as they departed for their destination.  
  
Inside Raven followed what was going on and grew concerned about her friends. "I don't have a good feeling about this Robin. We need to follow them" Raven said.  
  
"Look, I should not walk so a child may live......that's what it does" Robin said not wanting to leave.  
  
"Get up!" Raven said annoyed.

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Beast Boy, Cyborg and Starfire were now in a ghetto-ish part of town, and sure enough at a huge warehouse with 612 written across the top of the entrance.  
  
"All right guys, we're in the hood now, so unless you wanna get shot, you gotta stay low, be quiet, and follow me" Beast Boy explained to his friends.  
  
"All right" Cyborg said.  
  
"All right" Starfire said immediately after Cyborg.  
  
Beast Boy then turned on his jam-box with, of course, "I Need Candy" playing from it. "Yoo hoo, hey who's here?!" Beast Boy yelled very conspicuously as he ran into the warehouse. "Hey look up there, it's MC Pee Pants! What is up G!" Beast Boy yelled seeing what appeared to be the exact same image of MC Pee Pants, which had been on Beast Boy's CD and poster, from atop a large pile of crates and in front of a huge spider web.  
  
"Oh yeah there he is, he's cute, come down here and bring me some candy!" Cyborg yelled.  
  
"All right, lets get this party started, right, I'm MC Pee Pants in the hizzy..." MC Pee Pants yelled, but all that seemed to happen was that he shook up and down.  
  
"Why are your lips not moving?" Starfire asked, realizing that MC Pee Pants mouth, nor any part of his body for that matter, was moving.  
  
"...Look my schnoogies, I had a strizzoke in my brizzain, you know what I'm sayin', so I can't move all good. Thank you for mentioning that, thank you very mu..." MC Pee Pants explained before being interrupted.  
  
"What up with the stroke MC Pee Pants, I thought you was eleven?" Beast Boy asked, cutting off MC Pee Pants.  
  
"Yeah, uh, he...hey, hey...hey you ate a bunch of that candy before you came, didn't you?" MC Pee Pants asked.  
  
"Oh yeah boy, you know I did. I like candy..." Beast Boy said as he began singing the song.  
  
"Yeah I know how the song goes all right I wrote it. Okay. Yeah, where all your friends at?" MC Pee Pants asked Beast Boy.  
  
"Oh this is just two of 'em, the rest of 'em are off...popping caps in peoples...butts" Beast Boy lied. "Is, is that cool G?"  
  
"Is the album selling, cuz there's only three of you" MC Pee Pants asked.  
  
"I mean I bought one...but no one else did" Beast Boy said sadly.  
  
"Oh nizzice, that's just grizzeat" MC Pee Pants said, a bit peeved.  
  
"Hey lets throw down some mats and mess up the mix," Beast Boy suggested to the petite rapper.  
  
"Lets not" MC Pee Pants said angrily.  
  
"Oh okay" Beast Boy said.  
  
"Lets just get in those thrones over there an' not talk so much" MC Pee Pants said.  
  
"Those thrones? Next to the big drill?" Beast Boy asked, now noticing a giant drill with lawn chairs and Christmas tree stands tied to it.  
  
"You see any other thrones? Cuz if you do, go jump in those thrones, go ahead, have fun..." MC Pee Pants said growing more annoyed.  
  
"No, no, I guess not, I don't wanna make any waves, so I'll uh...come on guys" Beast Boy said as he walked over to the drill as well as Starfire.  
  
"Look, why do we have to strap on these..." Cyborg said before being cut off by MC Pee Pants.  
  
"What are you a detective now, you're questioning me, all right I don't have to pizzut up with that...I don't have to take it" MC Pee Pants said very annoyed at Cyborg. "Now tighten those skull screws two notches below excruciating, otherwise the energy won't transfer to the drill" MC Pee Pants instructed as Beast Boy and Starfire placed the Christmas tree stands on their heads.  
  
"We're not gettin' in these lawn chairs until you come down here and give us some candy!" Cyborg yelled.  
  
Just then a giant spider, wearing a diaper and a bathing shower cap, lunged from behind MC Pee Pants and on top of Cyborg. It was now clear that this was the real MC Pee Pants and he had just been holding up a cardboard cut out of a fake rapper.  
  
"Oh God!" Cyborg yelled as MC Pee Pants pinned him onto the remaining lawn chair and strapped a Christmas tree stand to his head.  
  
"Whoa dag, you look different on the album" Beast Boy said very surprised by all this.  
  
"That's right, it's called marketing," MC Pee Pants explained. He then activated the drill, but it jarred only the slightest bit. "Damnit! Next time you gotta bring some friends man."  
  
Just then Robin and Raven entered to put a stop to MC Pee Pants mad plot. "Oh, so you can jack 'em up on candy, and use their hyperactive blood sugar to power that drill, and bore a hole straight into hell, and unleash demons to run your global diet pill pyramid scheme? I think not," Robin said heroically.  
  
"Look man, people totally misunderstand me, I rap about life on the streets. I don't advocate demons man, c'mon drillin' into hell, where do you get that schnizz off?" MC Pee Pants said lamely trying to make an excuse.  
  
"What? Look, I'm going to read your lyric sheet. To use a giant drill..." Robin said as he began to read the lyric sheet of MC Pee Pants' album, but was quickly interrupted.  
  
"All right fine, yes, you want me to spell it out for you? That is what I advocate, yes okay, you are correct" MC Pee Pants said realizing he'd been caught. "Look at me man I'm a giant spider wearing a disposable diaper, I'm insane man. You know anyway I'm gonna _fit-in_. I don't think so."  
  
"Is that what this is all about? Fitting in?" Robin asked.  
  
"Hell no......yeah" MC Pee Pants said giving in.

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It was now daytime and the Teen Titans, as well as MC Pee Pants were standing across from a pizza parlor. The Teen Titan's had decided, in order to help MC Pee Pants fit in, they would help get him a job. "Look I know you're nervous, I was nervous at my first job interview, lets just leave the puppet behind this time" Robin said trying to reassure MC Pee Pants as he took the cardboard puppet from him.  
  
"Look at me man! Ask me why I wear the diaper man, I'm insane, I ain't gonna get this job!" MC Pee Pants ranted.  
  
"Why do you wear the diaper?" Cyborg asked, responding to MC Pee Pants offer.  
  
"They shall love you Mr. MC Pee Pants, just give them a chance" Starfire assured him.  
  
"Yeah, sure, you're all the things that are in this ad here" Robin said holding up a newspaper ad as he began to read it. "You're energetic, hard- working, you love people..."  
  
"No, I love the liquid inside people. How many times I gotta tell ya man, I'm insane. I eat people juice, no one's gonna hire a people juice-eater" MC Pee Pants yelled interrupting Robin.  
  
"Look, look we're here to change all that. Now pull up your diaper you want to make a good first impression," Robin said trying to calm down MC Pee Pants.  
  
"Yeah we're right behind you..." Beast Boy reassured.  
  
"Yeah behind these blast shields" Raven said as she walked away.  
  
"...Now you go in there and make the best pizza you possibly can," Beast Boy said as he Starfire and Cyborg began to walk away as well.  
  
"Make us proud" Robin said, the only one left near MC Pee Pants.  
  
"All right man, I'll do it man, but I don't know man" MC Pee Pants said as he walked to the pizza parlor. "Hey wait a minute man, this ain't no restaurant, man..." MC Pee Pants said as he noticed first of all that the restaurant was abandoned, and second that there was a bomb in it.  
  
"Come on guys" Robin told the Titans, as he left with them.  
  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!" MC Pee Pants yelled as the pizza parlor then exploded, engulfing him in the flames. It was now clear that the Titans had planted the bomb in there in order to kill MC Pee Pants.

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The Titan's were now back at the tower discussing the events that had just took place. "Look he was never going to make it in the outside world, he was brutally insane. Besides he was and eight foot spider, wearing a diaper" Robin said.  
  
"Who am I talking to, because I don't know you" Raven said.  
  
"Well wherever he is..." Beast Boy said before being interrupted.  
  
"He's in hell" Raven informed Beast Boy.  
  
"...Well, wherever that is..." Beast Boy continued.  
  
"It's a fiery pit of unpleasantness in the center of the Earth..." Raven interrupted again.  
  
"OKAY! Now wherever that is, and do not say anything, I just hope he's found some people that he can fit in with" Beast Boy finished.

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We now go to MC Pee Pants and see that he is, indeed, in hell. "Hey guys, hey, who's into rap ya'll" MC Pee Pants asked nervously.  
  
"Now you listen to me scab, we are into speed metal" said none other then the prince of darkness himself, Satan.  
  
"Hey man it's cool" MC Pee Pants said very nervously. "AAAAHHH!!!" MC Pee Pants yelled as a wave of fire engulfed him.  
  
"No, it isn't" Satan replied.

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Authors Note: Well hope you guys liked it. Please Review, flames are welcome. If you liked this story I suggest that you check out Aqua Teen Hunger Force, if you haven't already. I'll probably do another story soon so look out for it, and yes I do plan on it being a parody. Well that's it, catch ya guys later.


End file.
